You wonder why men cheat?

[Anonymous1]

So I've had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the **** do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it's not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?

I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you **** non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge ****ing ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don't think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?

Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of pornstar sex so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it's a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty **** toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. that's fair isn't it?

But no... it doesn't work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don't have time anymore. What used to be a fun quicky on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the ass. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger.

Do I sound bitter? well I guess I do. Let me explain, I'm sure there's more than myself in this unfortunate spot.
My wife of 6 years has had sex with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said "I'm just going to lay here, I don't want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with".
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my "O" and be done with it. (this takes 5 minutes tops)

I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your sex drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren't as libido killing as the SSRI's. Enough is enough though.

Let's do the math

5 minutes of sex 12 times a year is one hour of sex per year. ONE ****ING HOUR...
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had sex when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?

Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to **** for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Yes, I am being a baby. I totally understand that I am being a raving lunatic.

Why? Because I have tried divorce once. Nevermind that it was financially devastating, life altering, and hell on earth for years. None of that compares to the fact that it forever ruined my relationship with my children, regardless of what you may console yourselves with divorce hurts everyone and no one is better for it unless you are in harms way by staying.

I am so sick of the spoiled, me me me attitude by today's american woman that I could just bite myself.
During the dating phase you told us all your hopes and dreams which mostly consisted of a nice home, kids, a dog, family holidays, vacations, etc.
We told you we liked all that but wanted a car or a motorcycle or a boat to go along with it.

Fast forward half a dozen years. You have all the things you wanted, nevermind the mortgage is oppressive, the activities for the kids cost hundreds of dollars a month, you bitch constantly about how you hate the house you absolutely HAD to have years ago. You have a medicine cabinet full of Paxil, Effexor, vicodin, sleep pills, awake pills, everthing but a ****ing horny pill.
You bitch that all your friends have the things you want and you are miserable yet the kids are the best kids in the history of the world, everyone is healthy, you drive an SUV like your friends, you get Starbucks regularly.
WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?

Your bored? you don't have your own life? You feel over worked. Don't get me wrong, raising children is the hardest job by far since it rarely affords a break but is it so bad? (Agreed that the kids are so spectacular because of your contstant attention, but if you ignore your marriage it will go the way of a forgotten child too)
You could have been born poor, you could have to work 50 hours a week and take care of the kids, and pay for the mortgage on your own but you don't. Instead you go to play group, you shop, you drive around looking at houses you dream of living in instead of the one you have.

I can see how you don't have any time for sex. I mean after all the guy who sacraficed his own hopes and dreams to finance yours probably isn't worthy of some respect, admiration, and god forbid occasional sex.
(disclaimer time... I know us guys are a pain in the ass to live with that goes without saying)


The moral of the story is that it's just as much your fault as mine that I have taken a lover, she is everything your not. She is carefree, she acts like a total slut because we have an understanding that I prize her above all things for just being her slutty self, not condemning her for it. She doesn't accusingly look at me like I duped her into buying that ****ing leper of a house, doesn't tell me that I stole her life from her because she is raising children now.
It is a total vacation from everything you have become.
The funny thing is I would totally be there with you hand in hand praising you instead of her if you would only treat me like a human again. If you would only show the slightest passion, if you would just quit trying to take any possible enjoyment out of life for me and everyone around you then maybe, just maybe we could have a good life.

And please, don't give me the line about the medication and the councilors anymore, it worked for the first six years but it doesn't fly anymore. You came from a good family, you weren't abused, you weren't neglected, you are attractive, funny, kind, sweet at times.

I've saved the best part for last.
I am angry at myself for letting life get here. I should not have loved you so much that I could never say no. I should have not married you so soon, I should have bought all the things I wanted before we married.
Most of all I hate that I am saying these things to a million nobody's in Internet land instead of you. I would, really I would have but we all know what happens when you drink, and you drink a lot these days.


Most of all I can't believe I could be so stupid as to find myself here again. What did I cosmically do wrong? what did I do to piss off God in a past life to deserve this?

I am so ****ing pissed off at you for everything, why did you ****ing have to ****ing be this way? why couldn't you just ****ing be sane, why? why, ****ing, why? I just want to kick a chair or break a window or something.

WHY?

[OnSecondThought]

Do you remember that part in your vows... the "for better or for worse" part?

I guess I failed to ever hear or see the "unless the sex stops" stipulation.

Granted, I could see how that would be frustrating... and it's definitely a serious problem. However, I think you are going about it in the wrong way. Taking up an alternate lover will only get you handed another divorce.

And that lovely little ring you put on her finger? Yeah. She's taking it with her.


If all you wanted was sex... as you seem to imply... why on earth did you marry her in the first place?

There are a hell of a lot less complicated ways to get laid.


XxX

[Rudra]

ya know, she might hate hate having sex with you if your guys relationship is in the crapper. believe it or not, sex is no good unless you have a good relationship or at least alot of passion. How do I know this? I took a sociology course. Since you have no sexual dysfunctions it seems, and the problem with you is no sex, I think you both need to go to marriage counseling and fix whatever is wrong between you two. It'll suck, and it'll cost, but it'll help you either by asserting that you two are so completely messed up that you have to divorce or by helping you solve your problem and get the sex that you desire so much.

As for thinking you can buy sex with a trinket, you are fool for thinking that. Why would anyone want to have sex with you if they didn't like you and they weren't being paid for it? A ring doesn't say, "I'm buying you for sex," and netiher does marriage, and if you think that, you need to divorce and live the rest of your life alone. Getting married means that you love the person and want that person to be happy, regardless of sex.

It could also be that she thinks you are a lousy lay, or that she's lost enough libido that she could care less about sex. Sex is not the cornerstone of any good relationship, it can be, but should never be for any relationship that is trying to last.

[Brian]

I think he just needed to let off some steam... lol.

[tk1320]

ok ok, heres the deal, seeing as many of you may hav already seen my post, let me tell you the confession of the serial cheater, it goes both ways for men and women, i thought about it and i realize. humans are still primitive beings in a sense, we still need that thrill of the hunt, and the satisfaction.... if you cant satisfy your partner it is bound to happen that they will go looking for it elsewhere. let me tell you ive thought about it, the reason i cheat i think is because i havent met someone that will k eep me satisfied, or someone that i love enough to look past the lack of satisfaction. maybe im just blabbing

[Notsonormal]

That makes sense Tk...

[Anti-Corporate]

I dont have an opinion on this (cause I have yet to experience something like that) but what a ****ing intense post. Cheers to you bro for getting it out, thats what this forum is for, people to vent.

I only hope things get better for you.

*edit* I lied, I do have an opinion. I think the lifestyle were brainwashed into thinking we desire (The American Dream) is bull****. I dont like being told what to like, what to buy, what to do. I dont want to work a 9-5 desk job where I hate my boss, hate my family, hate my life, and Im technically supposed to have everything I want. A house, a family, 3-5 close friends known as "The Guys", with whom I drink a few beers on the weekends and watch football. I dont even like alcohol, I like getting ****ed up, but not alcohol. It makes me feel like sh*t the next day, and other drugs dont do that to me. But thats what were supposed to want when we grow up. Anything else and were crazy, pagan, outcasts, because were different. F*ck that.

[Notsonormal]

Originally Posted by Anti-Corporate

I dont have an opinion on this (cause I have yet to experience something like that) but what a ****ing intense post. Cheers to you bro for getting it out, thats what this forum is for, people to vent.

I only hope things get better for you.

*edit* I lied, I do have an opinion. I think the lifestyle were brainwashed into thinking we desire (The American Dream) is bull****. I dont like being told what to like, what to buy, what to do. I dont want to work a 9-5 desk job where I hate my boss, hate my family, hate my life, and Im technically supposed to have everything I want. A house, a family, 3-5 close friends known as "The Guys", with whom I drink a few beers on the weekends and watch football. I dont even like alcohol, I like getting ****ed up, but not alcohol. It makes me feel like sh*t the next day, and other drugs dont do that to me. But thats what were supposed to want when we grow up. Anything else and were crazy, pagan, outcasts, because were different. F*ck that.

Very well said... I agree with you on the american dream being bull****.

[Anti-Corporate]

**** suburbian life with an SUV, Country Club membership, and timeshare, they can have it.

[Faerie]

Well I need a kleenex...I have been engaged to a great guy for the better part of two years. We have sex about as often as Anon and his partner. When we met I made no secret of the fact that I LOVE sex, wild, freaky, uninhibited sex. Hell, on our first date I took him to a Maxim magazine VIP party (my tickets). We had the most amazing intense physical relationship I have ever had with anyone. So naturally I was thrilled when he gave me a beautiful 2.22 CT engagement ring and asked me to share his life. Only after I agreed, did I discover that my talking dirty during sex "throws him off" and now he can only climax if I stay perfectly still. We have gone from having sex 4-5 times a week to once every 2 weeks if I'm lucky, and I have to fake it now because I don't like vanilla. We have discussed this dramatic decline, he tells me "I feel more comfortable with you than anyone before. I don't need to have the kind of sex I had when I was single." He sees this as a compliment to me, that he dosen't need the freaky stuff to enjoy being with me. I don't need it, darn it, I LIKE it. I thought he did too. I know that I can not spend my life like this. We have recently decided to seek counseling. I really hope it works, I love him, I want to have our children and keep our house. I know we can have all the things you say you and your wife have, beautiful house, kids, cars. But is that really enough??? I want all of those things. Most of all I want them with an equal partner. Maybe, if we highlight the things in our partners that drew us to them in the first place, we could connect more intimately. Maybe she'd be more inclined to connect if you treat her a little more compassion, and a lot more respect. Tell her your grateful for your life together, your home, your children. None of those things would be quite what they are without BOTH of you. Please don't cheat, it's disrespectful to yourself, her, your children, your life together. If you really can't see a way to fix it or are to tired of trying, respect everyone and end it.
I hope we can both find a light at the end of our respective tunnels. Good Luck.